Overthinking Is Stealing Your Success

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Have you ever found yourself caught in an endless loop of replaying conversations, wondering if you said the right thing or how others perceived you? You’re not alone. Overanalyzing isn’t just an annoying habit. It is rooted in our evolutionary biology and neurological wiring.

When we replay social interactions, our brains are actually seeking validation and safety. MRI studies show that rejection activates the same regions of the brain as physical pain, while approval triggers dopamine, creating a temporary high that keeps us stuck in the cycle. From childhood, many of us, especially women, were conditioned to equate fitting in with safety. Be good. Follow the rules. Don’t stand out. Over time, our nervous systems learned to chase approval instead of trusting our own compass.

The cost is enormous. Overthinking drains our energy and keeps us stuck in the past or anxious about the future. Our real power is only available in the present moment. Research shows that successful people share one key trait: they care less about others’ opinions and act boldly from their inner vision.

In this episode of my self help podcast for women and growth minded listeners, I, Dr. Amen Kaur, share a simple three step framework to break free. First, catch yourself in the overthinking loop. Second, regulate your nervous system through breath and presence. Third, take one small action that affirms who you are in this moment.

I also share my mantra “So Be It,” which helps you embody the version of yourself who takes action. Clarity doesn’t come from thinking more. It comes from being who you truly are.

Whether you are navigating overthinking, seeking personal growth, or building the confidence to follow your dreams, this episode will give you the tools to move forward.

If you are ready to step into who you want to be, book a free consultation with me, Dr. Amen Kaur, and discover how to embody your vision and release the old conditioning that is keeping you stuck. The power is within you. So be it.

Chapters

• 0:00 The Overthinking Trap
• 2:25 Science Behind Our Need for Validation
• 4:50 The Hidden Cost of Overanalyzing
• 7:37 Success Means Releasing Others' Opinions
• 9:12 Three-Step Framework to Break Free
• 12:11 So Be It: Embodying Your Vision

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

ever come out of a meeting and then you're over analyzing everything. You're analyzing what was said, what was done and everything that happened and if you're an empath, you might even find yourself actually stepping into someone else's shoes so you can experience what they experienced of you as in how did you come across to them? Did Did I say the right thing? Did they really understand me? How did they experience me? I recently caught myself doing this, overanalyzing every word, every reaction, and when I caught myself, I was like, why am I doing this? I realized the real reason wasn't because I was looking for clarity. It was I was looking for validation. I was analyzing everything because, deep down, I wanted approval, I wanted to know I'm good and, honestly, it was like suddenly I woke up and thought why am I doing this? So if you have ever done the same thing, you're not. And in this video we're going to break down the science of why overthinking or overanalyzing feels like it's worthwhile, it's a good thing, it's like work, but actually it's disguised as conditioning and it impacts our ability to succeed. And, most importantly, I'll share with you a simple three-step process so you can stop that overthinking and start building towards your future, your vision your dreams instead, and here's why you'll also want to stay with me till the end, because by the time you finish you'll feel a little lighter, a little clearer and a bit more ready to act on your dreams and make them a reality. But before we dive in, if you feel stuck in fulfilling your heart's desire, your dreams and you've been visioning them for some time I just want you to take a moment to pause and just notice how do you feel about it right now and just hold on to that feeling, and we're going to be checking in at the end to see if anything has shifted in any way. So if you've ever walked out of a meeting or an interaction and then started to replay everything that you said, here's the real reason.

Speaker 1: 2:13

Let's really get into the science, because this isn't just a bad habit. It's a deep evolutionary, neurological, and there's physiological reasons why we overanalyze. So there's the evolutionary roots. For most of human history, survival has depended on belonging to the tribe, and so if we're rejected or excluded, it could literally mean danger, even death. So our brains have evolved so you're hyper attuned to what other people think. So caring about opinions isn't so much a weakness, it's a survival mechanism which you don't really need anymore, but it kept us safe. So if you're an empath, remember it's okay. It's a survival mechanism. It's about having compassion towards yourself that you do that. Here's where it really gets wild.

Speaker 1: 3:04

Studies using MRI scans shows us that rejection actually activates the same part of the brain as physical pain the anterior cingulate cortex. That's why it can literally hurt when we feel judged or excluded. Or, on the flip side, approval actually gives us a dopamine reward hit. So every single time we get validation, the brain actually hit and we're chasing that chemical hit. So that's why sometimes, if we're replaying a conversation, it can feel addictive. Where we're going over the old history, we may even enjoy it, it's because your brain is looking for some sort of relief and reassurance and it's getting that dopamine hit. See, aren't I good? But the truth is, when we start doing this, it can end up that we actually start criticizing or finding something that we didn't do and most of the time we feel that rejection. Did you know that rejection lights up the same part of your brain as physical pain? That's why we know that overthinking actually can really hurt over a period of time where you can feel like, oh my gosh, my brain's going to explode or I just want peace? That is another sign that maybe you're overthinking. Then there's another reason why we overanalyze, and that is conditioning, and this is a big one.

Speaker 1: 4:26

From childhood, most of us have been rewarded for fitting in, punished if we're standing out if we're different. We're told be a good boy, be a good girl, be a good person, be quiet, don't be seen, behave, don't rock the boat. At school, we were rewarded for following the rules than for being creative and really creating our own games and creating things that are coming from us. So over time, what happens is our nervous system equates validation to safety and that's why so many of us, especially empaths, replay interactions. It's our way of checking am I safe? Did I get approval? Am I good? Am I caring? But let's really look at this. You're not a school, probably anymore you don't have to fit in because we're a different society now. So your safety doesn't depend on fitting in and being good anymore.

Speaker 1: 5:28

You see, there is a hidden cost, the hidden cost of analysing and over-analysing, even though it feels like work, as if it's beneficial, actually stops you from progressing. It's actually disguised conditioning. Your brain is tricking you into thinking that you're solving something, when you're really just draining your energy levels, the amount of energy it takes for you to allow yourself to step into somebody else's shoes. It's so draining just to get validation, just to get that feeling of I'm good. And the more time we spend on the past, replaying or really thinking about the future, imagining how we're being so good to be able to get validation, we're spending less time on actually making a change, and that is that we're not in the now.

Speaker 1: 6:16

Eckhart is completely right the power is in the now, not going over what we did in the past to try and get validation, or imagining ourselves getting validation in the future, but really being fully present in the now so that we can then take action towards our goals, towards our visions, towards our dreams. That's why overthinkers don't actually make as much progress. That's why overanalyzing means that we're wasting time and we can actually see in a part of the brain there's a part of the brain that when we're overanalyzing, we're actually really genuinely going round and round in circles. That's why overthinking keeps us stuck. It's called rumination, just like a cow is ruminating and chewing grass over and over and over. We're wasting a lot of energy going over something in circles, and sometimes we can really tie ourselves up into knots, rather truly relax into the present, and then we know what is the next right step for me to take towards my dreams, towards my goals, towards my vision of what I've wanted to do for so long. And this is what's fascinating.

Speaker 1: 7:25

Research shows one of the biggest differences between people who succeed and people who are stuck is not really caring about what other people think is not really caring about what other people think. A Frontiers in Psychology study found that people with high entrepreneurial self-efficiency belief in their own self, basically, and their own internal compass, if you like they were far more likely to start their own business and actually continue it. So it's actually important for us to have that so that we can start something, because without that we can doubt ourself and stay in that dream state, if you like. In other words, they're trusting themselves rather than wanting that external approval, and then that means they're more present to actually take the action. There's also another study called Research Science Direct on the fear of evaluation. It shows that when people care too much about being judged, they avoid the risk and avoid visibility, but when they care, they actually feel like, oh, I'm free, I can actually take that next bold step. And if you look at interviews with visionary leaders, they all say that they had a turning point the moment they stopped letting other people's opinions dictate their action, what they're here to do, their vision, less worried about what other people think of them. So success isn't just about being smart or talented. It really isn't. It's about releasing the weight of other people's opinions so that you can be able to take the actions. So overanalyzing might feel productive, but it actually is stealing your energy and the people that succeed. They actually stop caring so much about being judged.

Speaker 1: 9:11

So how do we break free? Here's a simple three-step framework that can help you and you can start today. The first thing is when you first notice yourself looping and you might notice it, like it happens quite often to begin with, the moment you catch yourself replaying a conversation or imagining something or second-guessing yourself just pause and ask yourself wow, why do I care about someone else's opinion Seriously? Why do I care what they think? How is this really helping me? And the truth is it's not. That question alone will break the cycle, will break that, and when you're doing this, I really want you to be totally compassionate, totally loving towards yourself. None of this like critical business, because you want to catch yourself and be loving towards yourself and almost laugh like oh, I've caught you, kind of thing. You're playing that game again. And having that attitude towards yourself is quite important, because the criticism itself is what can actually keep us stuck.

Speaker 1: 10:16

The second thing we need to do is regulate Breathe, get into the now. Remember Eckhart Tolle, or get into the power of now. Bring yourself back into your body, your consciousness back into your body, out of your head into your body. Become aware of your, your surroundings. Breathe and be grateful for who you are, because you're amazing. Remind yourself you're free to be in the here and now, and it allows you to stop spiraling and getting out of your head and into the now.

Speaker 1: 10:47

The third thing is all about self-love is to take one small step to affirm you being in the present so you can do something that will move you forward towards your dream, so that you can be it. You can become it. It could be validating yourself instead of waiting for someone else to validate you. Think, if it is that you're trying to get validation and you're over replaying, say, hey, I validate you, you did good there, and here's where I want to bring in my new mantra. So be it, because the truth is we can't take consistent action until we become the version of ourself. Who takes that action? To be that person, to be that dream. And when you can embody what it is that you want to become, and when you can act from that space and mirror what successful people do, which is don't care about other people but really go internally and validate yourself, then action naturally flows from there. So be it. Be that person now that steps forward, and it will align. You don't have to think your way to clarity. You become who you want to be in this moment, present, confident, and then the action will flow from there. So let's just check back in.

Speaker 1: 12:03

At the start, I asked you to notice how you felt about your dream and your heart's desire. How does it feel now? Is it just a teensy-weensy bit more lighter? Do you feel a teensy-weensy bit more hopeful, a little bit more clearer? Because now you realize there's nothing wrong, you're just conditioned and there's all these different things, and you understand that you're yourself more from a body perspective, from a physiological perspective, from a brain perspective, and you can break the cycle now, in the same way other successful people have done before you, by caring less about the opinions of others and taking more aligned action towards your heart's dreams, towards your desires, towards creating the life you want. Give yourself some grace, give yourself some love, but don't stay there. Your dreams aren't waiting for more analysis, that's just paralysis. They're waiting for you to step into who you truly are. That's why my mantra is so be it. When you embody the person you want to become, your actions will flow from that space. You're not forced. You're being who you really are and from that you create, because your nervous system is enabled for you to create.

Speaker 1: 13:20

So if this video has spoken to you, please do subscribe for more, please like, share and comment. It really helps to be able to spread this message and I so, so, so appreciate you. And if you're ready to step into who you want to be, to embody your vision and release the old conditioning and take action from that space, then take action now and book in a free one-to-one consultation with me. Just to let you know the link is working now. Apologies and thank you for all those people that were telling me that the link wasn't working before, and if you do need to connect with me. If anything happens or the link doesn't work, then I'll put my social media links into the description. You can always message me there as well. I'm sending you so much love Till next time and remember the power is within you, so be it.